I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
