Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
