I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
