airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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