They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
