i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
