Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
