Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
