you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
