Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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