I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize