HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
