he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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