i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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