I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
