There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
