I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
