You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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