I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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