so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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