Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
