just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
