Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
