it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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