remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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