You really coming over, don't trick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
