I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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