I smell stomach acid.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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