4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
