I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
