Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
