Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
