she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
