I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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