My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
