High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
