it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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