Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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