I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
