I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
