my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
