I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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