you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
