so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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