yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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