i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
