where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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