Having a random hookup so left but love u
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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