he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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