So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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